As we ‘grow up’ (and I don’t necessarily mean in age, that can just be in intelligence of ourselves and becoming more accustomed to our skins) we realise that maybe it’s ok to reach out to others to ask for what you want.
I was recalling recently a glorious evening I had with my yoga girlfriends last year. You might have already conjured up an image of a calm, peaceful, zen-like event…Yet it was anything but really! We may have even been the loudest table in the restaurant! I walked away from it with this incredible sense of gratitude and realised this was for the immense value of non-judgement I felt in the space. I realised I’d just spent a few hours in this bubble of no right or wrong, pure acceptance. And this little voice popped up inside my head:
BE in the space of yourself, be comfortable in your own heart and be ok with knowing you love connection. In fact ask for it.
For those of you who have been hanging out with me for a while, you’ll know that I talk a lot about the ‘six core human needs’. This is a concept that Anthony Robbins also refers to a lot (check out this great TED talk if you want an intro). The reason I love this is because it has been exceptionally powerful in understanding my own behaviours, needs, and the way I make decisions. All incredibly useful for moments of being ‘stuck’. What I’ve realised over time is the strongest driver for me is my need for connection. How this has (and continues to!) play out in my life is incredibly interesting.
In fact, this one piece of awareness coupled with what I now know about my own ‘love language’ (another favourite topic of mine! We can chat more about it another time or check out more here) has been the most powerful influence in creating more of what I want in my life.
Technically speaking, I’m not really that unique. Or, more so, my needs are not that unique. As human beings we all crave a level of connection with others. The Dalai Lama says we are all ‘social beings’ at our core. We all want to connect with others, to belong, to be part of something, to feel worthy. In fact, if you’ve ever heard me talk about the big F word (Fear) this will be sounding very familiar to you right now. (Or check out Episode 2 of our Soul Soiree podcast where we talk more on this).
I’ve been digging deeper around this need of mine (and hey it’s your need too!).
Brene Brown talks about asking others for help, which is what that little voice said when it popped into my head. If you’re not fulfilling your needs right now, have you stopped to ask for help? In fact, pausing to even ask yourself these questions in the first place is itself a way to meet your need for connection – to yourself. And if you’re not willing to give that to yourself, how do you expect to ever satisfy your needs fully? Well, at least not in a healthy, sustainable way. And I don’t really see why you’d want it any other way. One dig deeper, the more connected you are to YOU the more likely you are to successfully connect with others.
I’m not going to lie. It’s kinda a punch in the face to realise that all the time I’ve been yearning for connection previously and wondering why I felt stuck, lost, lonely or even numb, was highly likely down to my own inability to meet my needs first. Yet when the heat of the punch fades I’m left more with a feeling of control. Of excitement. Suddenly I can see the opportunities to get back in the driver’s seat. To create more moments of connection, more non-judgement filled evenings that leave me on a high, and way easier, faster decisions.
I’m no where near done with my digging on this topic, so keep checking in on future posts. ? We also dive deep into the core needs in our workshops, all about helping you make better decisions in your life that really light you up. The next date is Saturday 2 September 2017 in London @ Embody Wellness. For more details check out: www.embodywellness.co.uk/workshops or email us: [email protected].
Seeing your life a little differently after this read? Share it with your friends & fam, they might just need a little shift in focus to light up their day too!