I shouldn’t have done this, but I did. And then I ruminated on it all morning.
I rolled out my double yoga mat set-up. (I have a very old not so grippy mat topped with a travel mat, so it’s super grippy but not so thick). Laid a super fleecy comfy blanket across the middle and proceeded to get ready for a grounding and peaceful start to my day.
I’d done all the “right” things that usually make me feel good.
I’d even waved some incense around.
Put the kettle on and sipped on some hot water (boring, I know, but I like it!).
Rubbed essential oils on my hands. Usually I’d feel calm, peaceful, completely confident in myself and excited for my day by now.
But instead, I felt all jittery.
And here’s why…
…after rolling out the double mat set-up, I went to find my phone. I needed it to set up the YouTube yoga sequence on my TV.
Except that within a few moments, I’d not just found my phone and put it on charge – I’d also checked both email accounts, Instagram and all the various messaging apps.
And then it happened. I read an email.
One I shouldn’t have. One I knew even as I clicked on “this is not the time to read this”. And still, I ignored that inner voice and read it anyhow.
There was nothing profoundly unusual, different, or even menacing about this email. In fact it was purely supportive and offering help.
Yet I wasn’t ready yet to open myself up in that way. And so everything I read, went through a doubt filter. Every word rolled around in the pit of my stomach, as I braced myself to check “Am I good enough? Did I pass? What do they think? Is everything okay?”.
I put the phone down and went to my yoga mat. Did my morning stretch. Even followed up with a loving-kindness meditation to see if that would shake the pit in my stomach, but still the ruminating continued.
I’m not telling you this to feel sorry for me. And I’m definitely not telling you this so you can go “perfect” your morning routine (there’s no such thing!).
I’m telling you this because I wondered if you do this too. You hear an inner voice that tells you something, a feeling in your gut, a pulling away or towards, and still you do that thing anyhow.
I know myself and my inner guidance system well enough to know checking my phone before I have some quiet time to myself in the morning is pretty much never a good idea. It always leaves a slight anxiousness in my body – even if the information I took in was seemingly “good” news.
My mornings need calmness. Slowness. Gentle, quietness with myself. And it’s about the quality of that time, not the quantity.
When I listen to my knowing, I’m more ME in my day. And when I’m more me, I feel calmer, more certain about my decisions, and mind is clearer too!
May this be a little nudge for you today to listen to yourself more. Trust your own wisdom. I’m letting go and moving on with my day. And I encourage you to do the same if you stray a little from your knowing at times. 😉